obfuscated girl

if i could make a list of my mistakes and regrets i'd put your name on top and every line after it

Words That I Am Banning From The English Language As Of Right Fucking Now, Most Likely Perhaps Part One Of A Series Or Something

1. "Tummy." No one should be allowed to say this past the age of four.
2. "Yum/Yummy." I have an irrational bias against words that end in "ummy," apparently. This does not change the fact that you sound like an asshole when you say this, and also Rachael Ray.
SPEAKING OF
3. "EVOO." How hard is it to say "extra virgin olive oil?" Are you THAT pressed for time?
4. "Deelish." Unless you enjoy being punched in the face.
5. "Celebutard." Perhaps this has not actually entered the lexicon of people who do not read Gawker on a daily basis, but it was only funny the first five hundred times they used it and also that word is not acceptable in our classroom.
6. "Fave." I have never encountered a word that sounds so simultaneously juvenile and condescending and like you are a soccer mom who is trying to sound cool by looking at her daughter's copy of Teen Beat.
7. "Ridic." Honestly.
8. "Vom." See #6. This is a verb, as in, "I just vommed a little." Call me a cranky old-before-her-time English major who could really find better things to be upset about, but I hate that cutting off the ends of actual words has become popular. Everything moves too fast as it is. SLOW DOWN.

rex cries when he ejaculates

I was called in at the last second today to work at a Real Law Firm. I am More Important Than You Might Think. I got to use a foot pedal to make a tape recorder fast forward and rewind. With these skills I could join the circus. Or live in 1985. Or perhaps the movie 9 to 5.
Also, they need to give Piz a ladyfriend and stop with this endless jerking around of the poor boy. Goddammit.
Yes, someone ignored the State of the Union address last night.

we'll find out in the morning

IT'S SNOWING. A WHOLE LOT.
Here are two songs: Matt Pond PA--Snow Day
Low--The Last Snow Storm Of The Year
That's all I got.

thought of the day

Nothing says "I do not have my priorities straight" like briefly contemplating foregoing food and letting my electric bill go unpaid until next month so I can renew my Flickr Pro Account.

god has a problem with me

I am so tired of waiting around to hear about jobs. I am so tired of feeling like my life has been on hold for the past six months. I have also noticed recently that one of the temp agencies I am working with has pretty much sent me to places staffed almost exclusively with Tall Skinny Blonde Ladies, and the ladies at the agency itself are also tall and blonde and, uh, ladies, so this has created the rather amusing impression that the way this particular agency finds people work is by calling the alumni at the sorority house.
I am bout to read this. Furthermore, I am bout to go see Eggers and Achak Deng read from it at possibly the best bookstore in the country. We will see if my Eggers fetish (fetish? really?) has held up after all this time.
Beyond that, I am very much in need of suggestions of ways to amuse oneself for free that absolutely in no way whatsoever involves television. Because last weekend I was so bored that I watched this. People? I have a problem. For all of the railing that i do against terrible, lifesucking reality TV, I am secretly the biggest sucker ever for it. The more it makes you want to cover your eyes or squirm, the happier I am. Happier and guilt-wracked...er.
If by this time next week or so I am trying to convince someone that my newfound love of One Life To Live or Passions or The View or something is for the irony factor, never mind the thing that I said about how I don't watch television during the day because it makes me feel unemployed, someone please stage an intervention. kthx.

zebras are reactionaries, antelopes are missionaries

Oh, Loftus.
"I thought the cage match under the sewers (or wherever) at Avocado Ave. and 4th was fucking great; and I still liked Seth and Summer’s whole thing, even if it was coasting on fumes without the benefit of the best writing. (Julie Cooper and her damaged soul daughter were getting all the great asides.)"
Yesterday I took a self-imposed Vacation From Computers, and it was pretty good. I went to the zoo, despite the conversation I had with my sister wherein I said "I'm gonna go to the zoo." and she said "DON'T" because she finds them very sad. It sort of was sad, (there are fewer things sadder than caged tigers) but it would have been sadder if I had finagled internet access somehow and then sat there on a computer doing nothing except reading E! or whatever. I took many pictures, including ones of jellyfish (eeeeeeeee) and I think I could have sat and watched the otters for hours. Otters swimming are like my mom's theory of how watching fish is soothing, but on a large furry mammal scale. FACT: The reason otters are surrounded by so many bubbles when they swim is because water gets trapped beneath their fur.
See, I learned things.
ALSO FACT: Kids' questions about animals are fantastic.
"Mommy, do you think the tiger will bite the glass?" "Does the tiger want to eat me?" Well, honestly, kid: Probably.
The closest thing that I have come to a resolution for 2007, were I to believe in resolutions, is to go outside more and less of the senseless interneting. This thought is made even more attractive by the fact that it is FIFTY DEGREES OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. (Pause so we can let the irony of the fact that I am announcing a low-grade internets sabbatical ON THE INTERNET sink in.)
The interview I had Wednesday went well. I think. I hope. I really wish I had a better sense of these things. I was almost completely thrown off by "what does 'exceptional problem-solving skills' mean?" (I did not put that on my resume but apparently at some point I approved it, what the fuck) but I think I was able to recover and more or less make something up/define it on the spot. We'll see.

mp3: Simon & Garfunkel--At The Zoo

WARNING: IF YOU ARE A DUDE AT WORK THEN THEY CAN FIRE YOU NOW FOR HAVING TOO MANY BONERS

My New Year's resolution has suddenly become to marry Ryan North. Should anyone who reads this care to assist me in the husband-hunting, I will buy you something very fancy. Also I will probably let you be in the wedding party, and we all know what that means: FREE ALCOHOL. ALSO LINE DANCES.
click here, the image was ginormous

small victories

My interview outfit is Andy Menchal-approved.

I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.

twin high maintenance machines

I believe I am one of approximately four people under the age of 35 in the tri-state area who was not WAY-STED on New Year's Eve. Instead I watched a movie with friends and sort of pretended I had no interest in what it was like to be out and WAY-STED.
I do not know what this says about me, this constant carrying of the grass-is-greener syndrome. I do know that I genuinely appreciate not having a raging headache. I also know that my first conscious thought of 2007 was that I hoped that the people screaming outside of my apartment at 4 in the morning later went home and choked on their own vomit.
Other things I know:
*Olives do not mix with vodka tonics.
*Apple flavored vodkas are the worst thing ever.
*Presidental funerals are real, real long.
*If I do not see snow at least one more time this winter I am writing to my Congressman.
*They really dropped the Fitzpatrick storyline on Veronica Mars.
*HOWEVER, that may be for the best, as one small town with both a surly teenage biker gang of villains AND a surly large alcoholic Irish Catholic family of villains might be toeing the line of credibility just a tiny bit.
*I miss having money.
*The list of people who I miss is getting longer as I type this.
*I was going to say "laundry list" there but then I realized I have no idea why people say laundry list.
*The best song on the new Jay-Z record is the one that Chris Martin sings the hook on.
*Yes, those are horses' hooves that you are hearing.
*I will never ever get tired of hearing "New Year's Day" on New Year's Day.
*Nor "This Year."
*I am kind of a sucker.