obfuscated girl

WOO PACKERS OR SOMETHING

actually I am a fair amount of excited about tomorrow, despite the fact that Monday night involved me asking a friend what the line of scrimmage was for approximately the 54th time in the past 6 months.
This is a significant thing to discuss because: 1. this is, I think, the first year on record that I have given up the whole "EW FOOTBALL IS VIOLENT AND SEXIST AND I AM A GIRL AND I WILL BE OVER HERE CROCHETING" thing and 2. if absolutely nothing interesting is going on with me, I can always fall back on quoting my favoritest, Bill Simmons:
"Remember the scene in "Caddyshack" when the bishop was having the round of his life in a pouring rainstorm and every putt was dropping? That has been Brett Favre for the past 10 weeks. And, yeah, the media has beaten this to death. But isn't this one of those rare stories that can't really be beaten to death? Some of these Packers games have had endings more improbable than some of the "Friday Night Lights" endings. When he killed Denver in OT with the Jennings bomb, it was like watching the bishop drain the putt that went past the hole and back for a birdie. I'm tired of picking against Green Bay - clearly, something is happening here that transcends sports. And if it ends with Favre throwing a critical interception in the Super Bowl, looking at the sky and screaming "RAT FARTS!" then getting hit by lightning, so be it."

On a final note, my sister is married to a dude who talks about Brett Favre in his sleep, so it is sort of in my best interest to be able to talk about these things.

WOO UM

DEFENSE

dear catastrophe website

and the three people who read it, two of whom I speak to regularly anyway:

I have not abandoned you entirely. I just haven't felt very clever lately, and I have felt mostly full of headaches and stuck in very boring fruitless routines. It's not you, it's me. I would still love you even if you gained weight. No, that bold text doesn't make you look fat.
FACT: Watching seven episodes in a row of America's Next Top Model is a very patriotic holiday-type thing to do.
ALSO FACT: Tofurkey does not tasted very much like what I remember turkey tasting like.

the end

don't make me laugh. it's tragic.

This here, this here may be the best thing that the internet has produced in the history of ever.
The dudes from The Walkmen read scripts from Sex and The City. Hamilton Leithauser plays Carrie. They kind of giggle. A lot, especially when they get to the parts about cup size.

I seriously don't even know what to say.

in which no one will have any idea what the fuck i am talking about, and those who do will feel very very sorry for me

According to this here, The CW is bringing back One Tree Hill as a midseason replacement in January, and if I understand everything correctly it is REPLACING GOSSIP GIRL. THIS IS NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE, CW. Not only is One Tree Hill the worst thing to ever happen to television, version non-reality show, they are flashing forward by five years. Which means:
1. unless I am missing something or if this is related to the writers' strike or something they are cancelling my favoritest thing on TV right now, and it is VERY IMPORTANT THAT THE THINGS THAT I LIKE STAY ON THE AIR BECAUSE THEY ARE SLOWLY BUT SURELY REPLACING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE
2. they renewed OTH, cancelled Veronica Mars, and somehow flashing forward five years is acceptable for THE WORST FUCKING THING EVER TO EXIST EVER AND NOT VERONICA MARS? FUCK YOUUUUUUU. I'm not sure if I would have been able to accept a version of Veronica Mars without Keith, but still.

And while you continue to laugh at me, I will point out that there are reputable sources of journalism that also take Gossip Girl very seriously.

While explaining his passionate wish to get his dad, Bart, to invest in Victrola, Chuck waggles a New York Observer profile of his father, "Bad Bart's Big Deal" in Blair's face. The paper is spot on: There's a Philip Burke-looking illustration of Bart in the middle, and the rest of it is actually the September 11, 2007, edition of the real paper, you can see the headline "Ground Zero Is Rebranded With Tribeca Patina" on the side. Plus 15! They've never tried so hard! We're so proud! Seriously, we're weeping. It's embarrassing. Christ. Minus 1 for making us love too much.
A whorey Observer reporter flirted with her interview subject to get ahead? Eh, we'll buy it. Plus 2.
We were going to say the football sheets on Dan's bed are unrealistic-- Dan is 18, he's a cool Brooklyn aesthete, maybe he would have moved on to, like, K-Mart Nautica Collection navy blue? But then we remembered that a few years ago we slept with a guy who had A-Team sheets. And a twin bed. And he was 25. Plus 5, because grown-up sheets are too much of a hurdle for some dudes.
Also, Dan's sex music is Elliot Smith. Plus 10
Serena and Dan awkwardly (and painfully) make out on the steps of their high school and grind as if they are in the bedroom, even though people are watching. Plus 2, because the uglier the high-school love is, the more accurate.
But then in other scenes we see how Serena is when she's in the bedroom. She throws Dan around, she grinds like a subway pervert, she tosses her head around like a porn star, she even does that thing where you claw senselessly at a boy's chest. Man, she really is a whore. Plus 2 for consistency, though. Minus 1 for making us nervous about Blake Lively.
Nate says to his mother: "You look down at the floor every time someone tries to tell you the truth." So Waspy and realistic! We even do that. Plus 2. Oh, and later, when Blair asks Nate to tell the truth about whether he loves her, HE LOOKS AT THE FLOOR. Plus 5 for a subtly repeated trope! I learned it from watching you, Mom!
Everything that happens with Chuck and Blair in the limo scene is spot-on. Plus 3 for the awkward way she drunkenly slides across the seat toward him to start making out, Plus 3 for the fact that one always hooks up with someone highly regrettable after getting dumped, and Plus 3 for the fact that nobody ever loses his virginity to the person he wants to; it's always by accident with someone you never expected (or even particularly wanted) to.

Total 65! A record!

SO THERE.

all the usual hearts to you

I have been thinking about how when I am alone in my apartment lately if I say something to myself out loud I look around to see if anyone has noticed and get embarrassed and try to hide from myself. It's as though I am living under the eye of some secret camera and if I talk to myself or yell at the television screen or swear if I drop something they will see, and they will know. I wonder if I was always like this, and I wonder if I'm just afraid that if I say things to myself sometimes an invisible line will be crossed and I will be Officially Crazy and start conducting arguments with myself on the bus and will stop showering and will never work again because they will start to see this glimmer in my eye. I wonder if it is because I have seen too many episodes of The Office. I wonder if I'm just lonely. More than anything else, I wonder if I am afraid to talk to myself, does that mean that I am subconsciously still uncomfortable in my own skin?

none of them use birth control and they eat all the steak

It took me three weeks and one polite email from the singer of the band going "um did you get the record" for me to write about this record. I need to quit procrastinating. It's not like I'm DOING ANYTHING. Furthermore, I am not really sure if the fact that the review is up there exactly as I wrote it, untweaked and unedited (unless I am not reading closely enough) means that it is a shining example of music journalism or if they were just desperate for content because it took me three weeks to do it. Also it is two paragraphs long. It took me three weeks. To write two paragraphs.
Here is a link to my favorite song from the record:
Pale Young Gentlemen--"Clap Your Hands"
And it is worth noting that I appear to be the first person to write about them who has not compared the record to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.
GUYS I AM TOTALLY THE FUTURE OF MUSIC JOURNALISM.
In completely irrelevant news: Jay-Z is signaling a recession someone is thinking way too hard about rap videos, there is a very good chance that I will be going to see this and I will not feel smart at all, not in the least. and here is a picture that makes me inexplicably really happy.

yes

There is supposed to be snow this weekend. I am NOT HAPPY.