i wish i had a river so long it would teach my feet to fly, oh, i wish i had a river i could skate away on
(Evidence: "River" is the perfect Christmas song.)
I don't think that I am ever going to be really okay with this time of year again. Milwaukee has so far swung back and forth between two days of the type of cold that takes your breath away and sleeping in two sweaters and a sweatshirt doesn't make you feel any warmer, and this weird half-state of gray and above freezing weather. I never thought I would say it, but I miss snow.
I miss my mother. I miss going to a home that felt like a home and not a place where no evidence that you ever even existed can be found, where after you leave you make fun of the ridiculous non-conversations and shock-value shit that your (half-siblings? step-siblings? if you refuse to call her your stepmother what do you call them?) pass for conversation with strangers. I miss WANTING to go home. I miss caring anything at all about this time of year and not seeing it as a giant inconvenience to my carefully cultivated self-imposed exile.
I miss everything.